“Let me know if you need anything.” You’ve said it. You meant it. It
has never once worked. Kamille takes apart the most common sentence in
grief and replaces it with four things that actually help someone in
the worst season of their life.
FULL SHOW NOTES
Everyone says it. Almost nobody realizes it isn’t an offer — it’s an
assignment, handed to the person least able to carry it. It asks
someone whose life is falling apart to work out what they need, decide
whether you meant it, and then be vulnerable enough to ask.
The people who helped Kamille most never said it. The neighbor kids
who ran a lemonade stand during Clint’s diagnosis didn’t ask. The
friend who sent a purse, slippers and a card on the first Valentine’s
Day after he died didn’t ask. They saw the need and they filled it.
In this episode she breaks down the four things to do instead —
listen for the need, tell them rather than ask, give them a day they
can move, and feed hearts as well as stomachs — then the four things
to stop saying, including the one she couldn’t even finish writing
down. She talks about what friendship looks like months later, when
the funeral is over and everyone else has gone back to their lives,
and about giving grace to the people who got it wrong.
It ends where it should: Job’s friends sitting on the ground for seven
days without saying a word, and Hebrews 13:2 — we are all angels for
each other.
IN THIS EPISODE
- Why “let me know if you need anything” flips the assignment onto the
person already drowning - The lemonade stand, and the Valentine’s package that came without
being asked for - How to spot a need when there’s no crisis — the “helping scanner”
and listening for distress - Tell them, don’t ask: “I’d love to bring you pizza — Wednesday or
Thursday?” - Why a hot meal can feel like an imposition, and what landed better
- Feed hearts, minds and mouths — and never sit on a prompting
- The hug she almost talked herself out of giving
- Four things to stop saying, including “everything happens for a
reason” - After the funeral: the reminder in your phone, and why saying his
name out loud is a gift - “I don’t celebrate dead people’s birthdays” — and what that cost a
nine-year-old boy - Grace for the people who got it wrong
- Job 2:13 and Hebrews 13:2
CHAPTERS
00:00:00 Introduction
00:00:33 “Let me know if you need anything”
00:01:53 Why that sentence doesn’t work
00:04:23 The lemonade stand and the Valentine’s package
00:06:42 When there’s no crisis: listening for the need
00:08:57 Tell them, don’t ask
00:10:56 Why a hot meal can feel like an imposition
00:12:37 Feed hearts, minds and mouths
00:13:20 The hug I almost talked myself out of
00:15:39 Four things to stop saying
00:18:32 After the funeral: reminders, and saying his name
00:20:26 “I don’t celebrate dead people’s birthdays”
00:22:48 Grace for the ones who got it wrong
00:24:27 Job sat on the ground for seven days
00:25:59 The errand of angels
SCRIPTURE REFERENCED
Mosiah 18:8-9 (00:11) — bear one another’s burdens; mourn with those
that mourn
Job 2:13 (23:54) — seven days on the ground, and none spake a word
Hebrews 13:2 (25:26) — entertained angels unawares
CALL TO ACTION
Send this to the friend who’s been meaning to reach out and doesn’t
know how.
LINKS
Listen: putonyourbiggirlpants.com
Watch: youtube.com/@KamilleBauer
Speaking: kamillebauer.com
Social: @KamilleBauer on Instagram, Facebook & Threads